Confederate Canuck Presents:

Today, we salute you, Mr. Ketchup Cake Inventor Guy.

From the kitchens of France came Crème Brûlée. The chefs of Italy gifted the world with Pasta. The Mexicans earned their place in history with the invention of the Enchilada. The Pennsylvania Dutch, Apple Pie.

But you dared to add Canada's name to the global roster of culinary genius with. . . a tomato sauce-based dessert.

While those around you were still enamored with the idea of eating ketchup for breakfast, you dared to dream for more. Embarrassed with the fact that Canada's only contributions to cuisine are poutine and some weird kind of bacon, you were the first to bravely take one of those 57 spicy varieties into the uncharted territory of the sweetmeat, and return with a confectionery delight destined to impress thousands of NASCAR fans worldwide.

Not only did you raise the bar for dessert makers around the globe, you also earned Canada an honored place among the world's culinary giants.

Without you, Mr. Ketchup Cake Inventor Guy, the Land of the Maple Leaf just wouldn't be the same.

So crack open a ice cold Pic-A-Pop, O Conquistador of the Condiment. Because you know -- once you muscle your way past the gag reflex, all kinds of possibilities open up.