9 years ago
Week 10
A Little Change of Scenery
I found this site and thought you might like it. You can download free high-resolution widescreen wallpapers for your desktop. The pictures are really good. I'm using the picture above as my wallpaper now (it was taken in Pembina Valley, Manitoba).
www.Interfacelift.com
- Julie
A Hardly Definitive Guide to Bear Encounters
Or, Bears with Very Little Brains Often Have Very Large Teeth, and Occasionally Eat Things Other Than Honey
Manitoba doesn't have snakes (unless you count garter snakes, which pose no threat to humans -- or much of anything else, for that matter), but it does have bears. After finding some sign close to the farm and being told by a neighbor that there were a couple of bears in the area, I thought it prudent to familiarize myself with methods of dealing with bear encounters. After reviewing all of the information available to me, I have compiled this guide to assist others who may find themselves in such a situation.
It seems the results of a run-in with a bear very much depend on what kind of bear you encounter. The four species common to North America are Grizzly, Black, Polar, and Kodiak bears.
Grizzlies (brown bears) have a characteristically large hump on their baks above their shoulders. Ranging from 200-715 lbs, grizzlies stand about 3-1/2' at the shoulder. Coloration varies black to blonde; frequently with white-tipped fur giving a grizzled, "silver-tipped" appearance.
If you encounter a Grizzly Bear:
Grizzly Bears tend to be more aggressive, but unless they have been fed or otherwise habituated to humans they will usually try to avoid you. They have been reported at speeds up to 35 mph and can run for several miles at 25 mph, so unless you can maintain 40 mph for several miles, you shouldn't try to outrun one.
- Try to remain calm. Never run, yell, or make any sudden movements. Bears often "bluff charge", that is, they will charge at you and feint away at the last second. If this happens, and you see 700-pounds of enraged muscle, claws, and jagged teeth bearing down on you at 35 miles per hour, you should do your best to remain still and calm, and stand your ground.
- Identify yourself as human by talking to the bear in a low voice. It doesn't really matter what you talk about, but politics generally gets everyone upset and is therefore not a suitable topic of conversation if you're hoping to keep the bear calm. The weather and personal hobbies are considered by experts to be safe bear talking topics. You should not make direct eye contact, but keep the bear in sight as you back slowly away.
- Climb a tree if one is available. If you have enough time, and the bear continues to move closer, take advantage of a tall tree to climb. Grizzlies have been known to climb up short trees after people, so you should select a decently-sized tree for climbing. You should climb at least 33 feet high to reduce the chance of being pulled out of the tree (many experienced hikers keep a measuring tape in their packs for just such an occasion). Even though some bears can and will climb after you, the hope is that they will feel less threatened and thus less likely to chase you up the tree.
- Stay close to the others in your group and keep your backpack on. Unless there is food in your backpack, in which case you should drop it. Unless that food happens to be a box of delicious Bear Paws, which would be very likely to offend the bear should he see it.
- If you happen to be carrying bear pepper spray, or a semi-automatic rifle, this may be an appropriate time to use it.
- In the extreme case that a grizzly bear makes attacks you, play dead. Lie face down on the ground and place your hands around the back of your neck. Stay quiet and don't move. Try to keep your legs spread apart to prevent the bear from rolling you over, as it is highly unlikely he's interested in tickling your tummy. A typical grizzly bear will break off it's attack once it feels the threat has been eliminated, so at this point you should be busy praying to your sweet maker that this is, indeed, a typical bear. You should lie quietly for as long as possible, as the bear may retreat a short distance and watch for movement.
If you encounter a Black Bear:
Black Bears can run up to 30 miles per hour and can climb trees, so running away or climbing a tree may not help you that much (unless, of course, you can run or climb faster than the other people in your group).
- Despite the fact that you are standing before a lethal killing machine, you should endeavor to STAY CALM, and back away slowly. DO NOT run from a bear, as the bear may think you are initiating a game of tag and will likely chase you. Except that it's version of tag is slightly more painful than any you've ever played.
- Make yourself appear as large as possible. If you are concerned that you may encounter a bear in the future, it might help to start eating Little Debbie cakes or Blue Bell ice cream on a regular basis, as this will help to increase your size and intimidate the bear if and when you meet it (of course, it may also make you a tastier snack for the bear, so you must take this fact into consideration).
- There is a notable conflict of advice on whether or not you should make eye contact with a bear. According to the Tahoe Council for Wild Bears and the California Department of Fish & Game, you should make eye contact, but do not stare. According to 3bears.net and MountainNature.com, you should not make eye contact, as bears seem to find this behavior threatening. Manitoba Wildlife delves into its vast knowledge base and experience and suggests, "It really all depends on the bear". Since you usually can't ask a bear if it would react well to being stared at or not, the best course of action is to flip for it and hope for the best.
- In the extreme case that you are attacked by a black bear (which is rare), you're on your own. Playing dead, running away, or climbing a tree is very unlikely to stop the attack, so you should fight back as viciously as possible using any object available. Mother-In-Laws are known to be particularly adept at staving off bears with icy glares and intimidation, but you should have some method of controlling or getting away from the Mother-In-Law once the bear threat has been eliminated.
Please refer to the pictures below, so that in the event of a bear encounter you will be able to correctly identify it and respond accordingly:
Black Bear
Grizzly Bear
Polar Bear
Kodiak Bear
So there you have it. You may want to print this off and keep it in a handy place, should you need to refer back to it in the event of an encounter.
Confederate Canuck Presents:
Today, we salute you, Mr. Lumberjack Shirt-Wearing Everyman.
Towel. Blanket. Tissue. Impenetrable shield of protection. It's not just a simple workshirt; it's your weapon against anything the world might throw your way.
Your manly sense of style sets you apart from the rest of us. Dirty red plaid flannel shirt, Kodiak boots, and a touque complete your all-weather ensemble. Rain, snow, 30°C sunshine -- environment means nothing to you. You wear this shirt at all times, day and night. If ever a rogue blizzard were to strike without warning in the middle of June, we know we can count on you to be ready.
To you, the term "fashion faux pas" is meaningless. You've transcended fashion, creating the perfect outfit that allows you to instantaneously blend into any place or situation: shopping, fine dining, church, even... working. Your B.C. Dinner Jacket does it all.
But that's not all. Not only does it match every pair of pants in your closet, it also advertises your masculinity at the same time. It lends you the unmistakeably masculine air of one who stands ready, able at a moments notice to work your working-class skills and save the day. Wherever there is a plugged toilet, we know who to call. Whenever a leaky carburetor needs fixing, you are there. We can always rely on you to know how to plow a field, build a shed, or shoot a moose and then skin it with your bare hands.
Your lumberjack shirt isn't just your average shirt, Everyman. It's a shining red beacon of hope, and a symbol of mechanical knowhow, common sense, and raw masculinity. That's why without you, Mr. Lumberjack Shirt-Wearing Everyman, the Land of the Maple Leaf just wouldn't be the same.
So crack open an ice cold Beaver Buzz, O Purveyor of the Plaid, because you know -- You're not a real man, unless you're dressed like one.
You Wanted Pictures, So Here's S'more
We roasted marshmallows at the farm today (Tuesday) after planting the garden. I offer Shiloh one, but he gives me a "Nah, thanks anyway," look and runs off. I guess roasted marshmallows aren't really his thing.
(Thanks to my capable and stunningly beautiful camerawoman, Julie!)
And Now, This:
(Click to enlarge.)
Since I can't be bothered to be overly creative this morning, here's a warm and fuzzy "picture thought" for today. This is a view of downtown Winnipeg. There's a conspicuous lack of snow, so the picture must've been taken either in July or August.
Canadian Cuisine: Perogies
Warning! This post may be hazardous to your health. While reading, you may experience upset stomach, nausea, heartburn, dizziness, or loss of appetite. Risks include heart attack, sharply increased cholesterol, and weight gain. Talk to your doctor before reading to find out if this post is right for you.
Pierogi (also known as perogi, perogy, pirohi, piroghi, pirogi, pirogen, pierogy, pirohy, and pyrohy) refer to a variety of Salvic semiciercular (or, in some cases, square) boiled dumplings of unleavened dough stuffed with varying ingredients. Often thought to be a Polish dish, it's Slavic origins actually predate the modern nation states and their standardized languages, making it's ancestery difficult to trace.
Perogies can be stuffed with mashed potatoes, cheese, farmer's cheese, bryndza, cabbage, sauerkraut, meat, mushrooms, or other ingredients. A popular filling for perogies in Canada is mashed potatoes mixed with chaddar and cottage cheese.
Of course, something that is already loaded with two kinds of cheese deserves to be fried, covered with fried onions, bacon, and mushrooms, and slathered with plenty of sour cream.
Dessert versions can be stuffed with a fresh fruit filling, such as cherry, strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, saskatoon, peach, or apple. These are often served with butter and maple syrup.
Perogies -- Putting the "Mmm!" in "Mealtime".
Confederate Canuck Presents:
Today, we salute you, Mr. Founder of the Canadian Medicare System.
You were the first to throw out basic principles of economics in pursuit of socialist medicine. Even simple common sense said your model wouldn't work, but you didn't let that slow you down in the slightest.
Faced with a small percentage of people who were without medical care, you devised a revolutionary system to combat the problem. By placing the responsibility of health care squarely on the government's shoulders, you created a system by which everyone -- regardless of income, age, race, or status -- would equally receive the same poor health care.
They told you that a single-payer health system would inherently tend to foster outdated medical technology. You courageously laughed in their faces. Old is better than nothing, you reasoned.
And when people complained that the wait times to see specialists were ridiculously long, you knew just where to point the finger of blame. Those greedy doctors that were moving to the States by the busload in search of better compensation for their services, as principles of the free market dictate. They should've stayed and stuck it out for the sake of the Canadian people. Besides, you said, when you're getting your health care as a government-bestowed gift, you can afford to wait. What's an hour or twelve in the ER waiting room, when the service is freely available to anyone?
That's why without you, Mr. Founder of the Canadian Medicare System, the Land of the Maple Leaf just wouldn't be the same.
So crack open an ice cold Canada Dry, O Wizard of the Waiting List. Because you know -- Paying an arm and a leg to the government for mediocre health care beats paying an arm and a leg to a private company for excellent health care, any day of the week.
Week 9
Did I mention that Julie has begun week nine of the pregnancy? The baby should now be around 9/10ths of an inch (about the size of a grape), and may weigh as much as a gram. The arms and legs continue to grow and the arms are now curving over the torso but not yet touching. The fingers are still developing and if you could see them, the ends would be out of proportion. Toes are also developing. The eye is starting to form a retina and eyelids will almost cover the eye. As the neck develops, it allows the head to be more erect instead of curved. Tiny ears are showing externally, and movement would be visible on an ultrasound.
Eight down, only 32 more to go!_
Confederate Canuck Presents:
Today, we salute you, Mr. Ketchup Cake Inventor Guy.
From the kitchens of France came Crème Brûlée. The chefs of Italy gifted the world with Pasta. The Mexicans earned their place in history with the invention of the Enchilada. The Pennsylvania Dutch, Apple Pie.
But you dared to add Canada's name to the global roster of culinary genius with. . . a tomato sauce-based dessert.
While those around you were still enamored with the idea of eating ketchup for breakfast, you dared to dream for more. Embarrassed with the fact that Canada's only contributions to cuisine are poutine and some weird kind of bacon, you were the first to bravely take one of those 57 spicy varieties into the uncharted territory of the sweetmeat, and return with a confectionery delight destined to impress thousands of NASCAR fans worldwide.
Not only did you raise the bar for dessert makers around the globe, you also earned Canada an honored place among the world's culinary giants.
Without you, Mr. Ketchup Cake Inventor Guy, the Land of the Maple Leaf just wouldn't be the same.
So crack open a ice cold Pic-A-Pop, O Conquistador of the Condiment. Because you know -- once you muscle your way past the gag reflex, all kinds of possibilities open up.
Canadian Cuisine: Poutine
Warning! This post may be hazardous to your health. While reading, you may experience upset stomach, nausea, heartburn, dizziness, or loss of appetite. Risks include heart attack, sharply increased cholesterol, and weight gain. Talk to your doctor before reading to find out if this post is right for you.
Poutine is a dish which originated in rural Quebec, Canada, in the late 1950's. Interestingly enough, the word poutine is a French word which has many possible meanings, including, "unappetizing mixture of various foods" (which is, in fact, a fairly accurate description), or"fat person" (which is, in fact, what you are likely to become from regularly eating poutine).
The dish consists of french fries, topped with cheese curds, and covered in brown gravy. As one might imagine, this combination usually results in a salty and luke-warm pile of soggy fries. It also usually results in people of abnormally large girth. Undaunted, Canadians regularly gobble up this "delicacy" with reckless abandon. Of course, the fact that they won't have to pay for the subsequent coronary artery bypass surgeries may make this decision a little bit easier.
So kick back, flip on some hockey, and treat yourself to a second helping of this Canadian classic, chubby. This one's on Medicare.
Baby's New Threads
Look what we got in the mail today! A cute little Alabama one-piece, with matching bib and socks. Thanks, Aunt Katie! Now behbeh will look like a proper Southerner.
P.S. Roll Tide!
Cold and Slightly Damp
This is a picture of flood waters creeping up on the Provencher bridge in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Taken sometime around April 18th.
Just Fiddling Around
Saturday evening, we visited South Beach to hear Clint Dutaiume and his "country fiddle". As we sat in the lounge (holding our noses), I managed to record these snippets of Canadian bluegrass. Enjoy!
Note: The ongoing banter you hear is in reference to a determined octogenarian who had brought wooden spoons with him, and who insisted on standing in front of the stage playing them along with the band. At one point, he began dancing by himself on the dance floor, and a woman from the audience came up and joined him for the remainder of the song.
Bonus: Try counting how many times Clint says "Eh?"
Well, You Asked For It. . .
My newly acquired fanbase has requested pictures of my ugly mug. I can't begin to imagine why (I mean, who in their right minds would willingly want to look at me first thing in the morning??), but I am willing to placate these peculiar desires to the best of my ability. I have, therefore, managed to dig up a couple of images, taken with a low-resolution video camera on April 29th.
I was going to say "Enjoy!", but on second thought, perhaps I'd better say, "Beware!"
"Ouch!" Shiloh plays his recorder LOUD.
Shocking. Shiloh "wakes me up" with his harmonica.
Shocking. Shiloh "wakes me up" with his harmonica.
The Princess and the Pea
As Julie moves into week eight of her pregnancy, the baby is now roughly the size of a kidney bean (just over 1/2 inch long). It's hard to imagine how something that small will impact our lives in such a big way."Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5
From Eh? to Zed
Here's a listing of Canadian slang. Enjoy!
- Canuck: A slang term for "Canadian". It can sometimes mean "French Canadian" in particular, especially when used in the Northeast United States and in Canada.
- Chesterfield: A sofa or couch. This term originated in Britain, but has since become obsolete. Also used in Northern California.
- Chinook: A warm, dry wind experienced along the eastern side of the Rocky Mountains in the United States and Canada. Most common in winter and spring, a chinook wind can result in a rise in temperature of 20 C° (36 F°) in a quarter of an hour.
- Double-double: A cup of coffee (usually from Tim Horton's) with two creams and two sugars.
- Eaves troughs: Grooves or channels that attach to the underside of the roof and a house to collect rainwater. Known to the rest of the English-speaking world as "Gutters".
- Eh: A spoken interjection which instantaneously turns any statement into a question. Usually used to ascertain the comprehension, continued interest, agreement, etc., of the person or persons addressed ("That was a good game last night, eh?"). May also be used instead of "Huh?" or "What?", meaning "Please repeat or say again."
- Fire hall: A fire station or firehouse.
- Joe job: A low-class, low-paying job.
- Kraft Dinner: Kraft macaroni and cheese. Of course, they could simply say "Mac' 'n' cheese", but we suppose that would be too easy.
- Loonie: A Canadian one dollar coin. The coin bears the image of a loon on it's reverse, thus the nickname.
- Parkade: A parking garage.
- Pencil crayon: A colored pencil.
- Runners: Running shoes or sneakers.
- Toonie: Canadian two dollar coin. It's moniker is derived from that of the one dollar coin.
- Toboggan: A long narrow sled without runners. Don't refer to your hat as a toboggan, else you'll confuse the locals and earn yourself a few funny looks. Instead, use the Canadian vernacular:
- Touque: A knitted winter hat, often with a pompom on the crown.
- Zed: Following after British tradition, Canadians use this name for the letter "Z". Paradoxically, one does not pronounce the name of a black-and-white striped African equine, "Zedebra".
Hello, my name is _______
Born and raised in the south, I met and married a beautiful Canadian woman and relocated to the frigid northlands. There, I serve God as a devoted husband, diligent father, and contributing member of a native Polish clan. I also act as a gracious ambassador of Southern culture, hospitality, and delicious food to the local canucks.
This blog is a random diary of my various escapades, endeavors, accomplishments, and amateur photography. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy putting it together.
~ The Confederate Canuck
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
