The Shoe Chronicles

And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Daniel, that new shoes must be bought.

(And this decree was first made when Stephen Harper was Prime Minister of Canada.)

And Daniel spake unto Julie, saying, Let us find me some shoes, even runners, that I may wear them with jeans.

According to all that I tell the, after the pattern that I shew thee, even so shall ye find them.

And the soles shall be made of a composite rubber blend: eleven inches and a half shall be the length thereof, and four inches the breadth thereof.

And the midsoles shall be made of a synthetic fiber mesh, so that the breathability thereof shall be great;

And the color thereof shall be black, within and without, with red or blue or gray highlights.

And the number of the shoes shall be 12.

According to all that I have commanded thee, shalt thou find. I am Daniel, your husband.

And so it was that Daniel went up from Stanley Avenue, out of the city of Selkirk, into Winnipeg, unto Polo Park, even unto the land of Sport Check;

(For the shoes there were in great abundance.)

To buy shoes with Julie, his espoused wife, being somewhat with child.

And Julie also traveled from Hazco, unto Polo Park, even unto the land of Sport Check.

And it came to pass that Julie lifted up her eyes, and beheld a pair of North Face shoes while she was yet a little distance;

And the soles were made of a composite rubber blend: eleven inches and a half were the length thereof, and four inches the breadth thereof;

And the midsoles were made of a synthetic fiber mesh, so that the breathability thereof indeed was great. And the color thereof was black, within and without, with red highlights.

And behold, they were 50% off.

And Julie lifted up her voice, and called to Daniel, saying, Behold, I have found the shoes which thou seekest, according to the commandments of thy mouth, and the words of thy lips:

For they are suitable for thy feet, and for the lifting up of thine toes.

And verily I say unto thee, they are 50% off.

Therefore Daniel lifted up his eyes, and beheld the shoes which Julie had found.

And it came to pass that Daniel fitted the shoes to his feet, and girded them about his ankles; and they were good.

Then Daniel rejoiced, saying, Glory to God in the Highest, for He hath provided shoes for the lifting up of mine feet, and for the bearing up of mine legs.

For behold, I shall wear the shoes which the Lord hath provided, when I sittest in mine house, and when I walkest by the way, and when I liest down, and when I risest up, and when I weareth jeans.

And Julie did rejoice there with him, and prepared them a feast of thanksgiving:

And they feasted on Taco Time, and Orange Julius hotdogs.

And they rejoiced with exceeding great gladness, together with Shiloh, the first-born son.

Then Daniel broke the hotdogs, and blessed them, and offered them to Julie.

But Julie answered him, saying, Behold, if ye thinkest that I would eat of the flesh of pigs, verily, another think is close at hand.

Therefore she did not eat of the hotdogs, but ate burritos and tatertots with exceeding great gladness.

Then Julie spake unto her husband Daniel, saying, I must return unto my own country, even unto Hazco, into the land of my cubicle, for my time there is not yet accomplished.

And Daniel wept.

Therefore Julie departed unto the land of Hazco, into her cubicle, even unto her desk, that the labors of her hands should be completed.

And Daniel also departed, out of Winnipeg, unto the city of Selkirk, unto his own house, and Shiloh with him.

And Daniel did shew the shoes unto his household; and his whole household rejoiced there with him: for they were very good.