An Expected End

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end." - Jeremiah 29:11

When Julie and I first learned that Ella was on the way, we, like many other parents, immediately began to consider which of the many parenting strategies we would employ. Of course, we began with the end result in mind: we wanted to do everything in our power to create a contented and relatively low-maintenance child that we could enjoy being with and taking care of.

We soon realized that conventional wisdom decries such a goal. "Some babies are naturally fussy, while others tend to be contented and happy," we were told. "There's nothing you can do, because temperament is simply luck of the draw." Fortunately, we don't set a lot of store by conventional wisdom.

In the process of educating myself, I ran across this overview of the evolution of parenting theory, which I found to be particularly helpful. What it all boils down to is this: parenting strategies were, at one time, family-centered -- that is, the satisfaction of a baby's needs were considered within the context of the needs of the family as a unit. Over time, however, a philosophy-shift left the family unit orbiting unsteadily and exhaustingly around the needs of the baby. In other words, the family member with the least experience in regulating themselves is now shouldering the burden of regulating the schedule of the entire household (this particular nugget conventional "wisdom" was even unwittingly regurgitated by a family member, who has repeatedly advised us to "Let her form her own schedule!"). This off-kilter system most commonly results in frazzled parents who are frantically trying to keep up the demands of a needy and unhappy child.

Subsequently, we chose to adopt the PDF (Parent Directed Feeding) system. Ella is on a fairly strict feeding, playing, and sleeping schedule, which allows us to meet her needs appropriately without allowing them to completely dominate family life. As she has adjusted herself to our schedule, we have watched her become increasingly contented, flexible, and easy to care for. Which means that those "thoughts of peace" that Julie and I were hoping for are being fulfilled.