The Confederate Canuck: A Hardly Definitive Guide to Bear Encounters

Or, Bears with Very Little Brains Often Have Very Large Teeth, and Occasionally Eat Things Other Than Honey

Manitoba doesn't have snakes (unless you count garter snakes, which pose no threat to humans -- or much of anything else, for that matter), but it does have bears. After finding some sign close to the farm and being told by a neighbor that there were a couple of bears in the area, I thought it prudent to familiarize myself with methods of dealing with bear encounters. After reviewing all of the information available to me, I have compiled this guide to assist others who may find themselves in such a situation.

It seems the results of a run-in with a bear very much depend on what kind of bear you encounter. The four species common to North America are Grizzly, Black, Polar, and Kodiak bears.

Grizzlies (brown bears) have a characteristically large hump on their baks above their shoulders. Ranging from 200-715 lbs, grizzlies stand about 3-1/2' at the shoulder. Coloration varies black to blonde; frequently with white-tipped fur giving a grizzled, "silver-tipped" appearance.

If you encounter a Grizzly Bear:
Grizzly Bears tend to be more aggressive, but unless they have been fed or otherwise habituated to humans they will usually try to avoid you. They have been reported at speeds up to 35 mph and can run for several miles at 25 mph, so unless you can maintain 40 mph for several miles, you shouldn't try to outrun one.

Try to remain calm. Never run, yell, or make any sudden movements. Bears often "bluff charge", that is, they will charge at you and feint away at the last second. If this happens, and you see 700-pounds of enraged muscle, claws, and jagged teeth bearing down on you at 35 miles per hour, you should do your best to remain still and calm, and stand your ground.
Identify yourself as human by talking to the bear in a low voice. It doesn't really matter what you talk about, but politics generally gets everyone upset and is therefore not a suitable topic of conversation if you're hoping to keep the bear calm. The weather and personal hobbies are considered by experts to be safe bear talking topics. You should not make direct eye contact, but keep the bear in sight as you back slowly away.
Climb a tree if one is available. If you have enough time, and the bear continues to move closer, take advantage of a tall tree to climb. Grizzlies have been known to climb up short trees after people, so you should select a decently-sized tree for climbing. You should climb at least 33 feet high to reduce the chance of being pulled out of the tree (many experienced hikers keep a measuring tape in their packs for just such an occasion). Even though some bears can and will climb after you, the hope is that they will feel less threatened and thus less likely to chase you up the tree.
Stay close to the others in your group and keep your backpack on. Unless there is food in your backpack, in which case you should drop it. Unless that food happens to be a box of delicious Bear Paws, which would be very likely to offend the bear should he see it.
If you happen to be carrying bear pepper spray, or a semi-automatic rifle, this may be an appropriate time to use it.
In the extreme case that a grizzly bear makes attacks you, play dead. Lie face down on the ground and place your hands around the back of your neck. Stay quiet and don't move. Try to keep your legs spread apart to prevent the bear from rolling you over, as it is highly unlikely he's interested in tickling your tummy. A typical grizzly bear will break off it's attack once it feels the threat has been eliminated, so at this point you should be busy praying to your sweet maker that this is, indeed, a typical bear. You should lie quietly for as long as possible, as the bear may retreat a short distance and watch for movement.

Black bears are usually about 3' tall at the shoulder, and can weigh anywhere from 135-315 lbs, depending on the gender. Coloration varies from pure black to brown, cinnamon, or blonde.

If you encounter a Black Bear:
Black Bears can run up to 30 miles per hour and can climb trees, so running away or climbing a tree may not help you that much (unless, of course, you can run or climb faster than the other people in your group).

Despite the fact that you are standing before a lethal killing machine, you should endeavor to STAY CALM, and back away slowly. DO NOT run from a bear, as the bear may think you are initiating a game of tag and will likely chase you. Except that it's version of tag is slightly more painful than any you've ever played.
Make yourself appear as large as possible. If you are concerned that you may encounter a bear in the future, it might help to start eating Little Debbie cakes or Blue Bell ice cream on a regular basis, as this will help to increase your size and intimidate the bear if and when you meet it (of course, it may also make you a tastier snack for the bear, so you must take this fact into consideration).
There is a notable conflict of advice on whether or not you should make eye contact with a bear. According to the Tahoe Council for Wild Bears and the California Department of Fish & Game, you should make eye contact, but do not stare. According to 3bears.net and MountainNature.com, you should not make eye contact, as bears seem to find this behavior threatening. Manitoba Wildlife delves into its vast knowledge base and experience and suggests, "It really all depends on the bear". Since you usually can't ask a bear if it would react well to being stared at or not, the best course of action is to flip for it and hope for the best.
In the extreme case that you are attacked by a black bear (which is rare), you're on your own. Playing dead, running away, or climbing a tree is very unlikely to stop the attack, so you should fight back as viciously as possible using any object available. Mother-In-Laws are known to be particularly adept at staving off bears with icy glares and intimidation, but you should have some method of controlling or getting away from the Mother-In-Law once the bear threat has been eliminated.

If you encounter a Polar or Kodiak Bear, all bets are off. These bears are known to be a higher risk of danger to humans. Despite the fact that Polar Bears look very cute as they lounge about the tundra sipping Coca-Colas, they are generally not very hospitable to visitors and aren't very good at sharing. You should do whatever you can to avoid these bears, although doing so in a calm and quiet manner is less likely to result in an attack. If you are attacked by one of these bears, it is advisable that you be prayed up.

Please refer to the pictures below, so that in the event of a bear encounter you will be able to correctly identify it and respond accordingly: