In the News, 28th - 4th

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Sunday, June 28

• Canoe.ca - There's a moose loose aboot in Haysboro.
• CBC - Let me be brief: The homeless need your underwear.
• Canoe.ca - Statistics Canada says Canadians just keep on getting fatter, blames Tommy Douglas for the rise in obesity.

Monday, June 29

• CBC - According to a new survey, 6 in 10 Canadians are planning a summer vacation. In other news, 6 in 10 Canadians are inexplicably unaware that there is no summer in Canada.
• CBC - Whiny woman files complaint with the Human Rights Commission, is awarded $3,000 on for "injury to her dignity and self respect". I don't think this one needs a punchline.
• CBC - Manitoba First Nation mired in leadership dispute. Hail to the chiefs.

Tuesday, June 30

• CBC - Tim Horton's to become a Canadian company. Because apparently it's not.
• Canada.com - Awww, did Awbewta woose some of its money-woney?
• CBC - Remember that missing $15.3 million dollars in gold and silver bars that the Canadian Mint lost? The $15.3 million dollars in gold and silver bars that Jon Nadler said not to worry about? Yeah, about that...

Wednesday, July 1

• Canada.com - Canadian senate: We need to act immediately to repair Canada's credit-card market, and to make the systems more fair. Translation: Socialism has worked so well for us in the medical system, let's start controlling the economy, too. What could possibly go wrong?
• Canada.com - More and more people in Regina are homeless now. Not that there are any less homes, there just seem to be more people not living in them.

Thursday, July 2

• CBC - They are anti-sealing activists. Does this mean they have a moral objection to caulking?
• CBC - B.C. school cancels the singing of the national anthem in order to be more "inclusive", and then it gets weird. Can't think of a punchline right now, but it will probably have something to do with watery-eyed Canadians letting immigrants walk all over them.
• Floriduh - Just in case you needed one, here's a good reason not to keep an 8-½ foot Burmese python in the living room.

Friday, July 3

• CBC - If you're looking for high-quality weaponry and ammunition, look no further than "Friendly" Manitoba. Act now and get free shipping on orders of $1.2 million or more.
• CBC - Videos of Canadian politicians name-calling, swearing, bickering, and generally acting like small children surface on YouTube, to the surprise of absolutely no one. Also, Colin Kenny would like you to know that Stephen Harper is not the boss of him.
• CBC - Because nothing kills your business model faster than running out of Coke.
• National Post - Owner of Chinese buffet chain offers free meals to Canadians on Canada Day to show his gratitude to the country, is immediately accused of violating human rights of non-Canadians. Dim sum silly liberals.

Saturday, July 4

• Canada.com - Hearing examines whether police officer's thyroid problem means he shouldn't be fired for misplacing evidence and not doing his job.
• National Post - "Jowi Taylor set out in 1995 to create an object more quintessentially Canadian than hockey, Tim Hortons donuts, insulin, the CN Tower or Lake Louise. Eleven years later, he was able to hold it in his hands".
• Canada.com - In Canada you can't be held criminally responsible for your actions if you're under 12, which is great news if you're a 9-year-old who wants to burn down an abandoned McDonald's._