The Victory

The American and Canadian Olympic hockey teams met today in an epic ice battle fraught with razor-sharp tension and raw emotion. A fierce love of hockey is probably the closest many Canadians get to patriotism, and we've all been inundated for months with ad slogans and banners championing the fact that Canadians invented and dominate this game.

The Fiddlers made a special point of tuning in to tonight's game. Not because they're religious hockey fans like many other Canadians, and not because they particularly mind if the Canadian team wins or loses much in this year's Olympics. No, such is their fondness for their neighbors to the South that the Fiddler clan dropped everything and sat down just to see to it that the Americans lost.

You might imagine the bitter disappointment -- nay, the anguish -- that ripped through the hearts of Canadians worldwide as the unthinkable happened: the Canucks lost... to the Americans. After months of swagger, the Canadians were beaten at their own game by the very country they most wanted to defeat.

[Bonus: At least three of the players on Team America hail from Southern states.]

Of course, the Canadians can always take solace in the fact that the Canadians whupped those pesky Yanks in Women's Curling earlier today. But when they exercise those newly-won bragging rights, they'll just have to mind the fact that they're just about the only people in the world that even know -- or care -- what curling is.