The Northern Lights

Last night, I happened to be outside late and saw the Aurora Borealis for the first time. They weren't extremely bright, and looked like a banded green fog floating in the sky. It sparkled and morphed, some bands getting brighter and more distinct while others faded. Unfortunately, it wasn't bright enough to get a picture of.

[Science] Auroras are caused by the collision of solar wind particles with photon emissions in the Earth's upper atmosphere. Solar wind is the constant outflow of ions from the sun, and is funneled by the Earth's magnetic fields which carry them toward the poles and accelerate them. When the ions in the solar wind collide with the photons in the atmosphere, energy is released in the form of light. Interestingly, different types of atoms create different colors; since the one I saw was green, this was most likely the result of oxygen atoms. Auroras tend to be more frequent and brighter during the intense phase of the solar cycle when coronal mass ejections increase the intensity of the solar wind. [/Science]

The Anthem

You may have noticed a bit of a tiff in the news recently about the storm of controversy surrounding the proposed changes to the Canadian anthem. Or not. The tempest came about when the Conservatives (or specifically, Senator Nancy Ruth) decided that the lyrics of O Canada needed to be politically-corrected.

The lyrics to the first verse are, of course:

O Canada! Our home and native land! True patriot love in all thy sons command.

These well-meaning liberals (or, conservatives in Canuck-speak) reasoned that instead of singing, "True patriot love in all thy sons command", Canadians should be singing something more gender-neutral. (Interestingly, their solution was to revert the lyrics back to the original 1908 version, which reads, "Thou doust us all command.")

In the ensuing firestorm of bitter debate, a nation of concerned Canadian citizens set down their Tim Horton's coffees and divided themselves into two opposing factions -- those who had absolutely no idea that Canada even has an anthem, and those who don't know the words to it well enough to care.

Yes, my friends, the conservatives apparently forgot one crucial fact: most Canadians don't actually know the words to O Canada.

While the idea of not being able to stand up and sing the song that unites your country of birth seems foreign to the fiercely patriotic Americans (and to basically everyone else on the planet, for that matter), ask the average Canadian to sing O Canada and you'll end up with something that sounds like this:

O Canada! A hmm da ha ha hand! Blue patriot la hmm la da hmm tha man!

Don't believe me? Check YouTube for shots of the proud Canucks singing their anthem at this year's Olympics. You'll see that while some of them know a few words here and there, most are grinning their way apologetically through it and quietly mumbling the words to Happy Birthday.

When met with these observations, the Socialist I'm related to argued her point. "Of course we know it," she objected. "We just don't make a big deal of singing it like you Americans do. That doesn't make us any less patriotic." What she's suggesting, then, is that it isn't ignorance that causes Canucks to blush and grin sheepishly as they stumble through their national song -- it's embarrassment. They're embarrassed that they even have an anthem, and are busily looking over their shoulders to make they aren't offending anyone within earshot with their blatant and inexcusable patriotism. True patriot sons, indeed.

In either case, the Stephen Harper government announced on Friday that there will be no changes to the anthem. So for the time being, at least, the public singing of O Canada! will continue to be met with offended women and blushing Canucks everywhere.

Hat Tip: Mom, for the idear. Thanks Mom!

The Victory

The American and Canadian Olympic hockey teams met today in an epic ice battle fraught with razor-sharp tension and raw emotion. A fierce love of hockey is probably the closest many Canadians get to patriotism, and we've all been inundated for months with ad slogans and banners championing the fact that Canadians invented and dominate this game.

The Fiddlers made a special point of tuning in to tonight's game. Not because they're religious hockey fans like many other Canadians, and not because they particularly mind if the Canadian team wins or loses much in this year's Olympics. No, such is their fondness for their neighbors to the South that the Fiddler clan dropped everything and sat down just to see to it that the Americans lost.

You might imagine the bitter disappointment -- nay, the anguish -- that ripped through the hearts of Canadians worldwide as the unthinkable happened: the Canucks lost... to the Americans. After months of swagger, the Canadians were beaten at their own game by the very country they most wanted to defeat.

[Bonus: At least three of the players on Team America hail from Southern states.]

Of course, the Canadians can always take solace in the fact that the Canadians whupped those pesky Yanks in Women's Curling earlier today. But when they exercise those newly-won bragging rights, they'll just have to mind the fact that they're just about the only people in the world that even know -- or care -- what curling is.

Things Canadians Are Proud Of

• Tim Hortons
  
• Smarties.
• Crispy Crunch.
• Coffee Crisp.
• The footballs and fields are bigger, and there is one less Down.
• Lacrosse is Canadian.
• Hockey is Canadian.
• Basketball is Canadian.
• The biggest flags ever seen/flown at any Olympics were Canadian. The second time it was smuggled in because they made a rule against it after the first time.
• Mr. Dress-up makes Mr. Rogers cry for his mommy.
• Maple syrup makes Mrs. Butterworth cry for her mommy.
• Canada has the largest French population that never surrendered to Germany.
• They knew plaid was cool far before Seattle caught on.
• The Hudson's Bay Company once owned over 10% of the earths surface and is still around as the worlds oldest company.
• The average dog sled team can kill and devour a full grown human in under 3 minutes.
• They still know what to do with all the parts of a buffalo.
• The Canadian Civil War was a bar fight that lasted a little over an hour.
• They invented ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, the long distance and short wave radios that save countless lives each year.
• Their elections take only one day.